It’s been a long time ago since I had written my last post. I needed a break from everything to clean up the chaos, which was going on in my head.
I just want to let you know: New posts will come soon.
Sleep well everybody 🙂
The sun is the center
All the planets orbit the sun
Sometimes it feels like my universe is like ours.
My sun is a person, all the other planets, too.
I orbit them from far, far away.
They mean so much to me.
That is why I am so much emotional addicted to them.
I always get to the point, when I cannot stand it anymore, because it kills me deep inside.
I want the best for all these people, but I know that I will never be able to be so close to them as I expect.
It is the reason why I become disappointed. I am a very sensitive and emotional person.
The situation became like that now: No contact to the ones I love. I have to find another structure of my universe.
That is why I keep on working on myself. The one I was yesterday wants to be a changed one tomorrow. Step by step it will work.
Happiness is so important and people are the ones, who give happiness a special.
For me it is like happiness does not exist without people. It is non sense I know.
It makes me fight! It makes me changing! FIGHT AND CHANGE!
I am dying. Every down makes me die a little more. How do I survive? How do I fight?
I am doing mistakes again and again. My soul has this bad influence called mind.
Why does my mind drive me crazy? I become a monster.
There is me. There is my soul, which talks to me. My monster me, which hides these spoken words of my soul.
My monster me is this dark side. It has so many fears, which I cannot stand. My monster me teaches me to hate.
Hate is the strongest feeling I have ever had. It lives in symbiosis with love. All the people I love are the ones I hate the most.
All these relationships are a reflection of my broken me. It is me, who hates me. It is me, who loves me.
Special ones love me. I am always the one, who cannot stand it.
My monster me is the part I really want to controll. My monster me, which is a part of my mind, destroys me.
It makes me forget who I am. It influences my feelings. It influences my loneliness. It makes me feel lonely.
It controlls my fear of loneliness. Loneliness is one of the most difficult feelings. When I feel lonely there is nothing to hold on.
Every time I feel lonely it feels like a doomsday. My world has many doomsdays. That is because my feelings are changing from one extrem to another.
I have to fix it. I have to change it. I have to find a way to controll my monster me, because my soul really wants to talk to me, but I do not listen.
It is like having the possibility to listen, but my mind is an egoist and says no. It is a fight deep inside me.
I do not have any options. I have to die a little more inside to find my harmony. I miss my harmony. I decided to destroy it.
Now I have to fix it. I have to change situations in my life. My soul knows who I am. I know who I am. Why do I question myself so hard?
I question myself, because I am scared to be who I am. I have this thought: It is better to be hurt by people, who do never really know who I am, than being hurt by people, who really know who I am.
This thought is useless, because I never make people hurt me. I hurt them and the consequence is that they leave my life.
I know I am able to understand life in a special way. I also know, that I use all my energy to destroy myself, because I do not want to be destroyed by others.
It fits together. I use myself to destroy me. I reach this goal again and again, because I hurt people. This action is the most painful part of me.
I critisize myself. I critizise my actions. I listen to people, who want to help me. I work hard on my inner me to become a beautiful flower.
I know I can rise and become beautiful. It is me, my imperfection, my mind and my soul, which have to become a beautiful rainbow.
Dear future me:
Don’t work to become a beautiful personality! Work harder to become a beautiful personality!
Don’t forget who you are! You know who you are, always remember it!
Dream and have plans for your future.
You are the connection between music and dance. If you want to hide anywhere, you will hide exactly there.
It is the place, where you are the one you are. It is your soul’s home. It is the level, where you find chaos and harmony of your feelings.
All your fears are not able to destroy you, when you find realistic answers to all of them. Write about your fears. Question your fears! An answer will help you in difficult situations.
Keep your strength! Keep your inner fighter! Make it and survive a thousand times! Find the friend, who is closer to you than anyone else. Find your friend, called life!
It’s like thinking about everything and nothing at the same time.
Everything make sense, nothing too.
The last time was a period of learning.
I learnt to understand me and I started to understand the behaviour of other people.
My thought was: If I was able to understand me it’d be able to understand others.
My thought now is: It will be helpful to understand me if I want to understand other people.
I changed my thought, because I do not feel so helpless anymore. I changed my thought, because I don’t want to be scared of the mystery neither of you nor of me. Fear can be an influence. We decide how much we want to be influenced by something. Some people are more guided by fear others less but we all have nearly the same chances to get over it. I’m not talking about fears, which are illnesses. I’m talking about topics, which make us feel depressed caused by different reasons.
Wish you a lovely day! Enjoy life! Keep on smiling!
There are days when we’re stressed.
I find often ways to feel a little bit less stressed but today I’m going crazy, because of it.
It’s me forcing myself to do the things I have to do. In generally I like doing these things some more others less, but all in a different way. Every task is important for me. I don’t want to be perfect. I don’t want to reach perfection. But I know myself. I have some realistic goals. I try to reach them but I fail again and again, because it’s me who makes everything much more complicate than it is. It’s so confusing today.
I wish you a lovely day
Going your sunny way
You’re special and going on
Singing your own individual song 🙂
There are times you need for yourself
This month was one of these times.
There was no creativity in writing new texts. I thought of writing a few times but there was nothing in my head.
I want to let you know that next month there will be new texts to read.
Keep on writing. Keep on enjoying.
Enjoying life and all its beautiful moments.
Never forget about yourself and the things, which make you happy. These things are your specials. It’s so important to keep them.
You create yourself
Every day new
The weather is changing
From snowy to rainy, to sunny, to windy
It cannot decide how it wants to be
It is like me
I am changing. Every day makes me change. I am not sure, who I want to be.
There are some points I am very proud of, but there are other ones I really hate.
Thinking about myself it is my life’s task. It is often very great, because it makes me move further.
I get hints. I become wiser.
I am like a ball and everyone has the possibility to play with me. There are days I can stand it but there are others, which make me depressed.
I have to learn to get the strength I need to become more and more myself.
I don’t want to be someone, who is so much influenced by others. I also know, that all my life I have been influenced by people.
I didn’t hop the train to start my own story.
It is like seeing all the clouds in the sky. I am one of them, but I am moving on with all the others. I do not look special, because I hide the part, which makes me special.
I hide. I hide myself. I am totally influenced by fears.
I am a shy one. I have never ask myself why, but now I am finding an answer. I learnt that words cannot express, what I want to tell.
Words cannot describe how I feel. Words can hurt and disappoint and everyone understands what he or she wants to understand.
Words have an intention, but are we able to understand what the other one wants to tell us? Of course we try to and we ask the other one, when we do not understand them.
But I do not get it. I really try to become friends with words. It is hard for me, because I am sensible and sometimes it hurts. Words hurt.
It is my mission to find a way, which makes me lucky together with words. Maybe it is a little bit strange, because I am a writer as well. But it is different. Writing is different than talking to people.
Writing is my creativity. It helps me a lot to feel more comfortable with words. There are special ones, who also make it easier for me. I am learning that of course it matters what had happened in the past, but I also know that it is up to me how my life goes on.
I am learning and it is great to learn. I love working on my personality. I do not want to become perfect. Perfection is nothing I want to reach.
I am happy to accept more and more that I am supposed to do mistakes. I am able to work on my personality I am not a bad one. There might be some thoughts, which make me think that I am. But thoughts are moments and moments pass.
It is me. There are times I am not able to see. There are others I see everything. Both are important. Both have to be stand. I am going through this alone, but also hand in hand with the ones I love.
I’m happy about all my friendships.
I’m proud of every single one, because they’re differently special.
I’m scared of meeting new faces.
Scared that new faces will change something.
We all will meet new ones. We all will find other people, who will make us happy. I’m scared that it’ll change our friendships.
The past showed me, that humans are influenced by humans. Some more others less but they all are. There might be a situation that you’re someone’s best friend and this someone meets another person, who becomes more and more her/ his best friend and you become less and less her/ his best friend. It hurts and I’m scared to get hurt by the ones I love.
I’m watching humans, because it’s the best way to learn about them.
I also know that fear is dangerous because it makes humans act differently. It’s important not to get totally influenced by it. It’s okay to be scared of loosing the ones you love but there is this other side called trust.
Trust is so important and trust can be the best and worst, because it makes you lucky or it hurts. Trust is special between two people. Friends are the ones you can trust. You’ll never know whether it is right or wrong. If it’s right it’ll be enjoyable. If it’s wrong you’ll have made a new experience, which makes you wiser.
Of course there will be new faces in my life and in yours but I also know that no matter, who becomes part of your life I’ll do my very best to make you lucky, my friend. I’m scared, very scared but I trust you, because it’s love, which takes care of you and me.