Tag Archives: feelings

Life and a rollercoaster

A rollercoaster goes up and down.
It is not changeable.
When it goes up, it goes up.
When it goes down, it goes down.

We are not a rollercoaster.
That is why our lives are changeable.
When life is dark we decide how others see us.
We can show them that we feel mad or we don’t.
We can choose it.
It is the same when life is wonderful.
We can decide whether we show it to others or not.

We represent our lives.
Let us decide how we present it!

Letter to fear

Dear fear
You are driving me crazy.
I do not know how to stand you.
You are there and a moment later you are gone.
You make me act like I am a cruel monster.
It feels like you controll my human being.
I know it is your job to scare people.

It is up to them how it ends, right?
You make me fight against an enemy. You are my enemy.
You make me fall but I get up again. You hurt me, but I live with all these scars.
You change me. But I decide who I want to become.
You can be as cruel as you want, you will never be able to get my whole me.
You might have caught some parts of me. But I will fight until the end to escape from you.
When it comes through an end there will be me and no you anymore.
Thank you fear to teach me how to fight against all these difficult things in life!

My world

I am dying. Every down makes me die a little more. How do I survive? How do I fight?
I am doing mistakes again and again. My soul has this bad influence called mind.
Why does my mind drive me crazy? I become a monster.
There is me. There is my soul, which talks to me. My monster me, which hides these spoken words of my soul.
My monster me is this dark side. It has so many fears, which I cannot stand. My monster me teaches me to hate.
Hate is the strongest feeling I have ever had. It lives in symbiosis with love. All the people I love are the ones I hate the most.
All these relationships are a reflection of my broken me. It is me, who hates me. It is me, who loves me.
Special ones love me. I am always the one, who cannot stand it.
My monster me is the part I really want to controll. My monster me, which is a part of my mind, destroys me.
It makes me forget who I am. It influences my feelings. It influences my loneliness. It makes me feel lonely.
It controlls my fear of loneliness. Loneliness is one of the most difficult feelings. When I feel lonely there is nothing to hold on.
Every time I feel lonely it feels like a doomsday. My world has many doomsdays. That is because my feelings are changing from one extrem to another.

I have to fix it. I have to change it. I have to find a way to controll my monster me, because my soul really wants to talk to me, but I do not listen.
It is like having the possibility to listen, but my mind is an egoist and says no. It is a fight deep inside me.
I do not have any options. I have to die a little more inside to find my harmony. I miss my harmony. I decided to destroy it.

Now I have to fix it. I have to change situations in my life. My soul knows who I am. I know who I am. Why do I question myself so hard?
I question myself, because I am scared to be who I am. I have this thought: It is better to be hurt by people, who do never really know who I am, than being hurt by people, who really know who I am.
This thought is useless, because I never make people hurt me. I hurt them and the consequence is that they leave my life.
I know I am able to understand life in a special way. I also know, that I use all my energy to destroy myself, because I do not want to be destroyed by others.
It fits together. I use myself to destroy me. I reach this goal again and again, because I hurt people. This action is the most painful part of me.
I critisize myself. I critizise my actions. I listen to people, who want to help me. I work hard on my inner me to become a beautiful flower.
I know I can rise and become beautiful. It is me, my imperfection, my mind and my soul, which have to become a beautiful rainbow.

Dear future me:
Don’t work to become a beautiful personality! Work harder to become a beautiful personality!
Don’t forget who you are! You know who you are, always remember it!
Dream and have plans for your future.
You are the connection between music and dance. If you want to hide anywhere, you will hide exactly there.
It is the place, where you are the one you are. It is your soul’s home. It is the level, where you find chaos and harmony of your feelings.
All your fears are not able to destroy you, when you find realistic answers to all of them. Write about your fears. Question your fears! An answer will help you in difficult situations.
Keep your strength! Keep your inner fighter! Make it and survive a thousand times! Find the friend, who is closer to you than anyone else. Find your friend, called life!

Confused, totally confused

Don’t you know these moments when you want to escape from everything?

Everything feels like a mess. You cannot talk, because you’re not able to talk. You find no words. Like a bomb you’re made to explode one day. I hate this feeling. I want to be alone. No one should be with me. I don’t want to see anyone. I want to sleep. I want to free my mind from all these difficulties of life. Yesterday I slept about zwenty hours. Today I feel much better now but there are still all these conflicts in my head. How can I structure myself when I’m a mess. I don’t want to lie to myself but I do. I don’t want to hurt people but I will.

Do you know situations like that? Do you have a good idea how to find structure?

Confusion and harmony

Sometimes it feels like a rainy sunny day
It’s sad and beautiful
It’s good and bad
It’s reality and dream
It’s confusing

Confused, because all your thoughts go on different vacations.
Some meet each other, others are totally different and never meet.
You go crazy, because there is no structure. There are feelings, different feelings, which don’t fit together. But we have to handle with them, we have to make them fit together, because it’ll be a way to find harmony.

Harmony is similar to luck. It’s reachable temporarily, but it’ll never be with you the whole time.

Keep it in mind to recignize, that there have to be all these crazy thoughts, which drive us crazy to remember us of being thankful for all the lucky things, which cross our lives.

Broken hearted: Crying rivers

Sometimes you don’t know what to do.
You feel helpless.
Somehow caught in your feelings.

You are going crazy every time you start thinking.
Everything is so confusing.
Feelings confuse you.

You are not chosen for the one you fall in love with.
At first it makes you disappointed. You feel desperate, sad and mad.
You cry every night. Tears run down your face and create a river.
It is your river filled with all your love, with all your pain and your other feelings.

You swim in your river for a while.
It needs time to get out of it.

But you are able to make it!
Love is the best and worst that can happen to you.
We all need love. We are all addicted to love.
It is the reason why love can hurt so badly.

Important is a little hope. We have hope. Hope will always be there if we don’t black it out.
And one day, we will find our love, who makes us to the happiest human in the world.

My love

It doesn’t matter how much time goes by
It doesn’t matter how long it takes to find you

It’s just like
I want to make you smile
I want to make you happy when you’re sad

I want to surprise you. I love to surprise you! I dream of surprising you.

I want to make you feel like you’re the most special one in the world
I want to make you feel like you’re the most beautiful one in the world

You mean the world to me. Maybe I know you. Maybe I don’t know you.
But the one thing I know is: I love you!