My world

I am dying. Every down makes me die a little more. How do I survive? How do I fight?
I am doing mistakes again and again. My soul has this bad influence called mind.
Why does my mind drive me crazy? I become a monster.
There is me. There is my soul, which talks to me. My monster me, which hides these spoken words of my soul.
My monster me is this dark side. It has so many fears, which I cannot stand. My monster me teaches me to hate.
Hate is the strongest feeling I have ever had. It lives in symbiosis with love. All the people I love are the ones I hate the most.
All these relationships are a reflection of my broken me. It is me, who hates me. It is me, who loves me.
Special ones love me. I am always the one, who cannot stand it.
My monster me is the part I really want to controll. My monster me, which is a part of my mind, destroys me.
It makes me forget who I am. It influences my feelings. It influences my loneliness. It makes me feel lonely.
It controlls my fear of loneliness. Loneliness is one of the most difficult feelings. When I feel lonely there is nothing to hold on.
Every time I feel lonely it feels like a doomsday. My world has many doomsdays. That is because my feelings are changing from one extrem to another.

I have to fix it. I have to change it. I have to find a way to controll my monster me, because my soul really wants to talk to me, but I do not listen.
It is like having the possibility to listen, but my mind is an egoist and says no. It is a fight deep inside me.
I do not have any options. I have to die a little more inside to find my harmony. I miss my harmony. I decided to destroy it.

Now I have to fix it. I have to change situations in my life. My soul knows who I am. I know who I am. Why do I question myself so hard?
I question myself, because I am scared to be who I am. I have this thought: It is better to be hurt by people, who do never really know who I am, than being hurt by people, who really know who I am.
This thought is useless, because I never make people hurt me. I hurt them and the consequence is that they leave my life.
I know I am able to understand life in a special way. I also know, that I use all my energy to destroy myself, because I do not want to be destroyed by others.
It fits together. I use myself to destroy me. I reach this goal again and again, because I hurt people. This action is the most painful part of me.
I critisize myself. I critizise my actions. I listen to people, who want to help me. I work hard on my inner me to become a beautiful flower.
I know I can rise and become beautiful. It is me, my imperfection, my mind and my soul, which have to become a beautiful rainbow.

Dear future me:
Don’t work to become a beautiful personality! Work harder to become a beautiful personality!
Don’t forget who you are! You know who you are, always remember it!
Dream and have plans for your future.
You are the connection between music and dance. If you want to hide anywhere, you will hide exactly there.
It is the place, where you are the one you are. It is your soul’s home. It is the level, where you find chaos and harmony of your feelings.
All your fears are not able to destroy you, when you find realistic answers to all of them. Write about your fears. Question your fears! An answer will help you in difficult situations.
Keep your strength! Keep your inner fighter! Make it and survive a thousand times! Find the friend, who is closer to you than anyone else. Find your friend, called life!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s